Saturday, December 24, 2005

All shall have prizes

The Alternative News Awards 2005 piece I did for Wanadoo has just been published. Read it here. By the way: Happy Christmas!

Friday, December 23, 2005

Wednesday, December 21, 2005

Twenty-five great songs of 2005

The lists continue. This is getting slightly fanatical. But if you don’t try and define your year by thinking of things you like and putting them in order of preference, what the hell kind of a person are you? Having said that, my twenty-five tunes of 2005 are in no particular order whatsoever. If there’s any on this list you haven’t heard, go and download it now, for instant aural gratification (stop sniggering).

Oxygen – Willy Mason
I Predict a Riot – Kaiser Chiefs
Heavy Metal – Clap Your Hands Say Yeah
BMFA – Martha Wainwright
Wake Up – Arcade Fire
Hoodie - Lady Sovereign
My Doorbell – White Stripes
Don’t Come Running – HAL
Fuck Forever – Babyshambles
Tied Up Too Tight – Hard-Fi
Moving to LA – Art Brut
Spit it Out – Brendan Benson
Mornings Eleven – Magic Numbers
I’m Lonely (But I Ain’t That Lonely Yet) – White Stripes
Bet You Look Good on the Dancefloor – Arctic Monkeys
My Dead Wife – Absentee
Helicopter – Bloc Party
Rusted Guns – Art Brut
Mirror Kissers – The Cribs
Bucky Done Gun – MIA
Girl Wants (to Say Goodbye to) Rock and Roll – Go Home Productions (Christina Aguilera vs Velvet Underground)
My Sherona Formed a Band – Spoiler Boy (featuring Art Brut)
Chewing Gun – Annie
Crown of Love – Arcade Fire
Holiday - Green Day

Sunday, December 18, 2005

Lessons learned from... King Kong

Never take apes out of their natural habitat.

Never fall for a woman the size of your hand.

Saturday, December 17, 2005

Steve Guttenberg: "I'm enjoying life now"

There was an amazing interview in Metro this week with '80s actor Steve Guttenberg. The man starred in the kind of silly but strangely memorable films that fill you with happy nostalgia - stuff like Three Men and A Baby, Police Academy, Short Circuit and Cocoon (plus all their sequels. Man, he loved sequels). But Guttenberg just wasn't quite right for non-'80s stardom and seemed to vanish just after 1990's Three Men and A Little Lady.

In the interview, he comes across as shamelessly unapologetic, aggressively I HAVE NO REGRETS ALL RIGHT? The actor claims that when he first became rich that he spent most of his money on "Food. Lots of food." Typecasting, he says is "a good thing". When asked why, if he's so rich, he still needs to work , he replies simply: "I love the fame and the money and the power."

Pretty quality, no? But this outpouring of insecurity is my favourite part:
From 1980 to 1990, I shot more films than any other actor in the Screen Actors Guild apart from Gene Hackman. Everyone keeps asking me that stupid question: "What are you doing?" I say: "Why do I need to do anything? I'm rich." Do you want me to be poor again? Do you want me to go back to making tomato soup out of ketchup and water? Or would you like me to be a multimillionaire and be rewarded for all the entertainment I gave you for all those years? I'm enjoying life now. If I was a plumber and I'd done the most plumbing jobs between 1980 and 1990, everyone would be saying: "What a great plumber" - he says "f**k you to the world and he's enjoying himself." But for some reason, as an actor, you're not allowed to say: "I'm f**king rich, bro."

Guttenberg has just starred in a straight-to-DVD comedy called P.S. Your Cat is Dead.

Read the full interview here.

Thursday, December 15, 2005

Babbling Brooker

If there's one person I love nearly as much as 24 hero Jack Bauer (played by Kiefer Sutherland), it's Guardian writer Charlie Brooker. When the two come together (ie Brooker writing about Bauer, not Bauer repeatedly kicking Brooker in the head), it's a dream come true. Brooker thinks 24 is great, but, like all good TV hacks, is prepared to sacrifice his love at the altar of pisstake. Here are some of my favourites:
"[Kiefer Sutherland's] famously buttock-shaped cheeks have diminished in size, so now it's possible to concentrate on what an assured performer he is without worrying whether his mouth is about to break wind."

"I bloody love 24, partly because Jack's endless struggles with fate are downright hilarious. He can't cross the street without finding someone's glued one of his feet to the pavement and thrown a grenade at his head - the funny bit is the desperately brutal way he kicks it out of the way and straight into the nearest orphanage."

"On the whole, [24 is] about as plausible as ever - ie the whole thing may as well be set in an alternate universe housed within the belly of an immense robotic goat."

"Jack's car is a thing of wonder... This week he makes use of a fingerprint scanner which seems to have been installed specifically to identify thumbs he's recently severed from dead assailants."

"[Jack Bauer is] so cellphone-dependent he'll have to have spent the whole of episode eight recharging the damn thing - assuming of course he hasn't been finished off by a microwave-induced brain tumour."

"Following the murder of his wife, heroic Jack Bauer's gone off the rails. In case we're in any doubt about just how far he's fallen, there's a hideous ginger beard sprouting round his chops, which makes him look like a piece of Shredded Wheat impersonating Kris Kristofferson."

Friday, December 09, 2005

Absolute Bauer corrupts absolutely

MSN conversation with Kearns #24. In which Kearns reveals some worrying personal statistics, declares his love for two fictional television characters, briefly defends '80s classic film Short Circuit and concludes by endorsing torture.

Kearns says:
ive become slightly obsessed with reading blogs

Kearns says:
its worrying

Kearns says:
i really could be reading books instead

Kearns says:
thing is - at least you still read books. i couldnt believe you had enough to compile a top 10

Kearns says:
unless you only read 10

Bungle Bungle mountain range says:
No, more like 55

Kearns says:

Bungle Bungle mountain range says:

Kearns says:
bloody hell

Kearns says:
do you read like jonny 5?

Bungle Bungle mountain range says:

Kearns says:
oh ok

Bungle Bungle mountain range says:
Except I actually take it in, unlike that idiot robot

Kearns says:
dont besmirch the memory of jonny 5

Kearns says:
so you read a book a week?

Kearns says:
thats cocking ridiculous

Bungle Bungle mountain range says:

Kearns says:
well i watched all 96 episodes of 24 in 17 days

Bungle Bungle mountain range says:
Good job

Kearns says:
i beat my seinfeld record by watching 14 episodes of 24 last sunday

Bungle Bungle mountain range says:

Kearns says:
thats commitment

Bungle Bungle mountain range says:
Me and Sarah watched two thirds of series 3 in about 4 days

Bungle Bungle mountain range says:
I wept for Tony Almeida

Kearns says:
i love tony almeida.

Kearns says:
and is it me or is jack bauer the greatest human of all time

Kearns says:
god i love him

Bungle Bungle mountain range says:
Sarah's MSN name is Michelle Dessler

Kearns says:

Kearns says:
how anyone can watch 24 and oppose torture i'll never know

Thursday, December 08, 2005

Herman's sermons

If you like your movie reviews to only contain the words "good", "sweet", "stupid" or "retarded", then look no further than Herman's Movies. Purporting to be a 15-year-old boy from the United States who loves video games and Macdonalds (I have my doubts), Nick Herman writes pithy but devastating reviews, culminating in a no-nonsense thumbs up or thumbs down verdict. Of Vin Diesel movie The Fast and The Furious, he writes, "This movie was cool espcially with all the sweet cars yeah there pretty hot sweet rides." Legend.

Wednesday, December 07, 2005

The Mexican

Last night me and flatmate Jamie found ourselves sitting in our lounge eating Jalapeno pepper flavoured popcorn with a Mexican called Griselda who neither of us had met before, watching Rock School. "Embrace the randomness," Jamie whispered to me.

Tuesday, December 06, 2005

Search and you shall find

Inevitably, some visitors to this blog have stumbled upon it from search engines, like Google blogsearch, or MSN search. The poor fools! Luckily, thanks to modern technology (thanks sitemeter), I can see what visitors to Electric Goose searched for to find me. Here's a sample of recent ones:

  • rinky dinks
  • old nudist couples
  • diane arbus
  • Jacqui Electric Company
  • devendra banhart
  • circus freaks pics
  • val kilmer postman always rings twice
  • dylan brixton
  • Hugh Dennis
  • Rock School

What does this mean? I don't know. But you know your life has gone desperately wrong when you find yourself searching the internet for "old nudist couples".

Monday, December 05, 2005

Booked up

Sometimes a man just has to make lists, and December is the best month to do it… Here are the ten best books I've read this year (obviously not necessarily released this year, that would be crazy - though some are). I’d recommend these to anyone, so if you need something to read...

1) Portnoy’s Complaint – Philip Roth
2) Norwegian Wood – Haruki Murakami
3) American Pastoral – Philip Roth
4) Lolita – Vladimir Nabakov
5) Stuart: A Life Backwards – Alexander Masters
6) The Accidental – Ali Smith
7) Dispatches – Michael Herr
8) The Unbearable Lightness of Being – Milan Kundera
9) The Rum Diaries – Hunter S Thompson
10) Saturday – Ian McEwan

Friday, December 02, 2005

A toast to 24-hour drinking

This morning at around 8am, my friend Dan got up, had two slices of toast, a cup of tea and two shots of glacier mint vodka. I don't know whether this was to celebrate the introduction of 24-hour drinking, or in eager anticipation of our forthcoming weekend trip to Bristol, where GM vodka was our tipple of choice - and I'm sure to some his breakfast antics might seem like the very pinnacle of excess. But I like the way he didn't go overboard on the toast.

Thursday, December 01, 2005

Behind NME lines

"Despite it being hailed by all and sundry as a masterpiece upon its release in 1996..." begins NME's review this week of Belle and Sebastian’s live version of their If You’re Feeling Sinister album. All and sundry? Not quite. One music paper bucked the trend back in 1996, giving the album a lowly 5 out of 10. The paper? None other than, er, NME.