Friday, February 20, 2009

One random thing about me

I know it's been fashionable to dismiss the "25 random things about me" meme that's been viralling round Facebook by saying, "I really couldn't care less, you narcissitic chump", or words to that effect.

But I've actually really enjoyed reading these infonuggets - after all, these people are my friends, and uncovering a small part of a familiar person's secret history can be quite thrilling, even if it is something slightly mundane like, "I secretly fancy Stephen Mangan."

I started a list myself, but only got to 12 because I was starting to sound like Woody Allen, and not in a good way. So I'll just publish the first "thing about me" I came up with here. To be honest, it makes anything that could possibly follow it seem insignificant and futile. Ready?

1. Until 24 February 2002, I had never seen an episode of The A-Team. By chance, I ate the first bagel of my life exactly five years later, on 24 February 2007. Neither experience was particularly life-changing.

Monday, February 09, 2009

It ain't me, babe

Ah, hell. Listen, if you're Google-ing my name - and I'm sure you are, every second of every day, can I just say: this is not me.

Sunday, February 08, 2009

Mark my words

If only Mark Lamarr had been running the BBC six months ago...

Thursday, February 05, 2009

The Twits

I keep vacillating between "getting" Twitter and "not getting" Twitter. Signed up in May last year and didn't get it. Then started to get it. Then didn't use it for a few months, which meant I forgot why I got it and had to start regetting it. But with a load of friends signing up fairly recently, I’m currently getting it, so here’s where you follow me: Oh, and you can see recent updates on the right hand side of this very blog, just below my profile picture. Neat.

Snow! In London!

Wow, it was pretty good wasn't it? More of the white stuff rumoured for later today. I'll be welcoming it with open arms, if it happens. Here's some snaps (sadly I can't claim the pictured snowman).

Snowy courtyard

Cleaver Square in the snow

Snowy Kennington rooftops

Snowman in our courtyard

Cleaver Street melting snow

Wednesday, February 04, 2009

Tonight on Channel 4: The World's Most Enhanced Woman and Me

Those of you who remember what The World's Most Enhanced Woman and Me calls "the big boob scene of the '90s" will presumably have fond memories of Eurotrash staple Lolo Ferrari, whose record-breaking beach ball breasts brought her fame and fortune. 

The movement, says presenter Mark Dolan (don't worry, we've stopped with the Louis Theroux comparisons), seemed to disappear from view with Lolo's death in 2000. "Personally, I can't see the attraction of freakishly large breasts," he adds, "But I wondered if there were any women out there who can compare with the girls from the '90s."

The current record holder, Maxi Mounds (not her real name, we'd wager) has five-litre breast enhancements – Lolo's were a mere three – but her agent tells Dolan she's "out of action", although we would've thought being Maxi Mounds was a full-time job, even if she's wearing a jumper.

So instead, we head to Las Vegas to meet porn stars Crystal Ashley and Minka. Crystal once had the world's largest implants, but downsized after they started leaking into her body and making her ill. Ugh. Meanwhile, Korean Minka and her less-than-charming husband Woody have made millions from her four-litre boobs. Tragically, she has a passion for tennis. Dolan gets a taster of the kind of attention she attracts when he goes for a wander round Vegas with her pal, the aptly-named Kayla Kleevage.

The show concludes with a visit to Brazil, where vivacious attention-seeker Sheyla Hershey has travelled to pump up the volume, in an attempt to win the word record with a 5.5-litre pair. "They love my personality," she says as she poses for pictures in the shopping mall.

There follows footage of a gruelling operation. Those looking for titillation, pardon the pun, should head elsewhere. Despite the premise, this is one of the more serious – and better – efforts in the ...and Me series, with insecurities as big as the breasts on show. Dolan, to his credit, looks every one of the women he's interviewing right in the eyes.

by Will Parkhouse, Wednesday 4 February 2009

Originally published on