Thursday, December 15, 2005

Babbling Brooker

If there's one person I love nearly as much as 24 hero Jack Bauer (played by Kiefer Sutherland), it's Guardian writer Charlie Brooker. When the two come together (ie Brooker writing about Bauer, not Bauer repeatedly kicking Brooker in the head), it's a dream come true. Brooker thinks 24 is great, but, like all good TV hacks, is prepared to sacrifice his love at the altar of pisstake. Here are some of my favourites:
"[Kiefer Sutherland's] famously buttock-shaped cheeks have diminished in size, so now it's possible to concentrate on what an assured performer he is without worrying whether his mouth is about to break wind."

"I bloody love 24, partly because Jack's endless struggles with fate are downright hilarious. He can't cross the street without finding someone's glued one of his feet to the pavement and thrown a grenade at his head - the funny bit is the desperately brutal way he kicks it out of the way and straight into the nearest orphanage."

"On the whole, [24 is] about as plausible as ever - ie the whole thing may as well be set in an alternate universe housed within the belly of an immense robotic goat."

"Jack's car is a thing of wonder... This week he makes use of a fingerprint scanner which seems to have been installed specifically to identify thumbs he's recently severed from dead assailants."

"[Jack Bauer is] so cellphone-dependent he'll have to have spent the whole of episode eight recharging the damn thing - assuming of course he hasn't been finished off by a microwave-induced brain tumour."

"Following the murder of his wife, heroic Jack Bauer's gone off the rails. In case we're in any doubt about just how far he's fallen, there's a hideous ginger beard sprouting round his chops, which makes him look like a piece of Shredded Wheat impersonating Kris Kristofferson."

No comments: