Torchwood v The Day Today

This sums up The Apprentice boardroom squabbling for me

Made-up Indian jokes #12

And finally...

Q: What was the Buddhist Monk's favourite Seattle-based '90s grunge band?
A: Soundgarden.

Made-up Indian joke #11

Q: How do you get a good price when you're buying sandals?
A: Bata.

Made-up Indian jokes #10

Q: Which Star Wars villain has a fondness for south Indian doughnut-shaped lentil cakes?
A: Darth Vada.

Made-up Indian jokes #9

Q: If the cherry goes on the cake, where do the Jamaican sprinkles go?
A: Pondicherry.

Made-up Indian jokes #8

Q: What bread is most likely to repeat on you?
A: Parotta.

Made-up Indian jokes #7

Q: Why did no one believe in the Sikh ghost?
A: Because it was just a turban legend.

Made-up Indian jokes #6

Q: What did the Indian cop do after catching the minced meat lady thief?
A: Kofta.


THINK ABOUT IT.

Made-up Indian jokes #5

Q: Why did Mr Schuester put clarified butter in his hair?
A: He wanted to join Ghee club.

Made-up Indian jokes #4

Q: What's the best hair-of-the-dog Indian beverage?
A: Lassi.

Look, I warned you, all right?

Made-up Indian joke #3

Q: Where's the best place to vomit up potato curry?
A: Aloo.

Made-up Indian joke #2

"Waiter, waiter, why has this sweet bread put me in a daze?"
"You must be having kulcha shock, sir."


DO YOU SEE.

Made-up Indian joke #1

Here's the first in a daily series of genuinely groan-worthy gags I've been "working on". I hope you're ready. At this rate, I reckon I could get a high-paid job as a cracker joke writer. I don't think they have crackers in the Subcontinent, so I may just jump off a cliff instead. Anyway, here you go.

Q: What was the name of the Hindu god's Star Wars-related one-man show?
A: Hanuman Solo.

Atherton rides again

Long-term readers of this blog may remember my failed attempts to organise a film festival in my flat in Stockwell dedicated to the films of the actor William Atherton (Die Hard, Ghostbusters, etc). It was with much delight on my wedding day I got to hear a special message from the man himself (or at least someone who sounded very much like they could have been the man himself) - all thanks to my best man, also called William. For your listening pleasure, dear reader, I've posted it below. Damn right the happiest day of my life!

Message from William Atherton by willparkhouse

(Posted with apologies to the real William Atherton and my wife for the comment above. Wife! It still sounds weird.)

"Coffay"

Should probably get away from the old "...of 2009" thing, but this bit from Adam and Joe's BBC 6 Music podcast (aka "Podmax") made me laugh harder than anything else last year.



A quick iTunes podscan reveals my ears bathed in over 20 hours of A&J last year, with an estimated 12 of those hours spent emitting bizarre giggling sounds. Oh, go on, then:

Best podcasts of 2009:

1. Adam and Joe BBC 6 Music podcast
2. Everything else

"Suddenly, it's on barren land..."

Thinking of getting someone a goat this Christmas? Karl Pilkington has some thoughts (couldn't be bothered to read Virginia Ironside's Mail piece, but here it is):



Oh, look, I sort of blogged about the goat issue THREE YEARS AGO. Time: it flies.

I Told You I Was Freaky - Flight of the Conchords

"Some people say that rappers don't have feelings. We have feelings," raps Brett McKenzie on the opening track of Flight of the Conchords' second album. Sounding vulnerable and miffed, he continues, "Some people say that we are not rappers," with colleague Jemaine Clement adding defiantly: "We're rappers. It hurts our feelings when you say we're not rappers." Read more...

Official matters

I've become kind of addicted to The Office: An American Workplace of late, thanks to ITV2, Comedy Central and Comedy Central Extra repeats, and the joys of PVR technology. Since it ditched the Gervais/Merchant template, it's been hitting whole new heights. Oh, speaking of hitting...

From the FAIL Blog: Swing Fail

You really shouldn't laugh at this. But you will. You will.