After two pints of Alpine lager last night, I invented a groundbreaking new product which I'm calling "The Demobiliser". It's basically a mobile phone that has a breathaliser in the handset. When you drunkenly reach for your phone to make the kind of call you'll regret in the morning - to ex-girlfriends, ex-boyfriends, teetotal family members, people you haven't spoken to in seven years and so on - your phone will breathalise you, see if you've had too much and if you have, temporarily erase the "bad numbers" from your phone.
It would of course be marketed with the line, "The Demobiliser: simply breathtaking".
This seemed like a good idea last night, but is it really? Today I was walking along the street holding a polystyrene box containing a baked potato. The thought that suddenly appeared in my head was: "All my hopes and dreams are contained within this one box." Can you really trust a brain that comes up with meaningless rubbish like that?