Monday, March 24, 2008

Sick stunt

Huw over on My Thoughts Exactly has unfortunately fallen ill and, barfing his way to oblivion, has asked for "good vomit stories". Here's mine.

This story happened during the night on 8 May 2003, a Thursday. I was in Rajasthan, north India, on a sleeper bus, travelling between the cities of Udaipur and Jodhpur. Making the journey with me were two acquaintances, R and P, and a close friend, N, with whom I was sharing a bed (platonically). Our compartment was basically just a double top bunk, with a grille at the foot of the bed to enter and exit, and it was situated at the back of the coach where the vehicle's rear window would have been.

Having whiled away an hour or two in conversation and managing to successfully blot out the noise of the screaming Indian baby from the bed below, N and I drifted off to sleep.

A short time later, however, the two of us were awakened - her by a splashing noise at the end of the bed and I, less happily, by the sensation of liquid spattering onto my feet. Still mind-numbed from sleep, I thought the source of the leak might have been my water bottle exploding, for whatever reason, but looking up, I saw the water was actually being poured through the grille by a shadowy figure standing in the coach's aisle. The mysterious individual then turned and walked off.

"N, some nutcase is pouring water on us!" I yelled (admittedly a little slow to react), leaping up. Scrambling out of the compartment I saw the culprit, holding his now empty mineral water bottle. It was our travelling companion, R. He turned and, with a vacant, feverish look on his face, said meaninglessly, "I think I'm going to piss in this bottle, I'm desperate." As I pursued him down the aisle of the coach, my trousers, which I'd loosened in order to sleep more comfortably, fell to my ankles.

"Did you just empty that…" I began, but as I pulled my trousers up, a wave of awful nausea hit me. "Oh my God, I feel sick," I blurted out and dashed to the bus's entrance door, open, as on all Indian buses. Holding on tight, I leant out of the moving vehicle and vomited four times onto the road as it whizzed by, still slightly confused about the whole thing.

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