Thursday, May 29, 2008

NY see

Hey, long time no me! I'm back! Did you miss us? No? Fine, see you later, then. No, you've pissed me off now. Oh, okay. Just stop being so argumentative, it's a really unattractive trait.

So yeah, New York. The key question is, can I be bothered to relate all that happened to me in the Big Apple over the five days I was there? I can't even be bothered to answer that question to be honest.

We begin our pictorial adventure in the taxi from JFK, Thursday morning. I am feeling particularly smug as I didn't need to check in any luggage, and am making do with a small rucksack.

NYC: arrival

On the first day, Urvashi and I happened to be wandering through Central Park and we thought we'd pop into the zoo. Usually birds are rubbish - not these ones, though.

Central Park zoo: pink bird

Ooh, and then we went to the FAO Schwartz toy store and looked at the toys. Easy, tiger.

Tiger in FAO Schwartz store

Yes, Smurfs still exist. Harry Potter gets slightly more floor space, however.

Smurfs in FAO Schwartz store

If New York has two things in abundance, it's flags and tall buildings. My camera probably came home with vertigo. Sorry, camera. After a day of much wandering, me and Vash headed out on the train to Stamford, Connecticut, where our friend Dan is living, temporarily. (On being asked how he spends his time: "Well, my favourite activity is walking down Park Avenue listening to 'Smack My Bitch Up' on my iPod.") He kindly decided not to bill us for our stay, and even lent me a towel. I don't have a picture of the towel.

Flags and buildings

On the Friday, Vash met up with her 19-year-old douchebag of a cousin, Tej (okay, she was actually lovely, but for the next three days seemed unable to cease from yelling abuse at me, Dan and Birdy, her catchphrase being, "You guys are fucken retards." We probably deserved it). Anyway, while Vash was at her work meeting, I went up the Rockefeller Tower and did the Rockefeller Skank, a dance I invented back in the early '90s.

From the Rockefeller, pt3

Then to the Met. No, my phone hadn't been stolen, you crazy Londoner – it's an art museum. A very famous one in fact. Shame on you for not knowing that.

The Met

Jeff Koons has created three enormous sculptures to go on the roof of the museum - here's one of them - for an exhibition called, yes, 'Koons on the Roof'. An ace title for a short story, in my opinion, but hey, whadda I know?

Koons sculpture 1

Here's another Koons. Annoying about all the people in this picture. I tried to Photoshop them out, but beauty is truth, truth beauty and all that. (After this, Birdy arrived and the five of us went to Hooters. I kid you not. An evening of mayhem ensued. It could've been worse, though; we all ended up crashing in a small room at the Hilton.)

Koons sculpture 2

Groo, what a hangover on Saturday, though. Luckily someone had a great idea - let's get on a tourbus. So we did, and I took a picture of these very New Yorky stairs. Vash and Tej, who'd rapidly transformed into Asian versions of Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie (The Asian Simple Life, basically) bombarded the tourbus operator with a string of inane questions - "Where's the nearest Pinkberry's?" etc. There was a nice moment when he asked the bus if anyone on board were fans of Sex and the City. Paris and Nicole's hands shot up. "I had a feeling..." he said, wearily.

NY stairways

Then, sober up kids, to Ground Zero.

Ground Zero

There are gangs of crazy conspiracy theorist types hanging round the rubble. Don't let them talk to you! Here's one (the other side of the placard said something along the lines of, "Laser beams destroyed the WTC").

Crazy woman at Ground Zero

Next, we got the Staten Island Ferry to, er, Staten Island, checking out the Statue of Liberty on the way. Then we turned round and came back.

Staten Island Ferry

See, I wasn't lying about the tall buildings. Lots of baffling public sculptures, too.

Art and architecture

Next up, some shopping in SoHo. I saw this sign twice and both times, my head sort of went, "There's a picture of New York, there's a picture of New York, there's a big fat crazy picture of New York..." (Why? Because of this, 2m 30s in.)

DKNY sign

Ah, what else? All sorts, man. Eating at Gray's Papaya, watching dudes shooting hoops, diner jukeboxes, Bleeker Street Records, sweltering, a Little Italy market-fairground ("do you take credit cards?" asked The Asian Simple Life), back and forth between Grand Central and Stamford, sailors on leave for Memorial Weekend, yellow cab after yellow cab, orange juice and weary feet...

And on the final day, Dan and I visited the aptly-named and amply-filled Museum of Modern Art (Moma), concluding a tiring but excellent break. And what can I add here, frankly, apart from "Oof"?

Oof, Moma

Then we flew home and I broke my toe. But that's a story for another day.

Oh, and that was just the half of it. Click here for the full batch of photos.


Sam Roberts said...

Sounds like a fun trip. Looks like you got to see a colossal media modern day hand painted ad, the one for DKNY.

Urvashi said...

Have just (yes just) - come across this by a Google accident!

Wow what a brilliant trip (i'm bookmarking this!) - Asian Paris Hilton

Will said...

Googling yourself again, eh Vash? Or are you one of these people who come here looking for "electric bondage". Groooooss.

Urvashi said...

Once in a while Googling yourself comes up with interesting stuff!