Saturday, July 28, 2007

Matri moany

I'm just in the process of buying something from the gift list for my friend's imminent wedding. All was going fine - and it's great that I don't actually have to make any effort to buy them something they genuinely want - until I got to the "special message" bit.

Having to type something original, heartfelt and clever is nigh on impossible when you're faced with a small text box on a John Lewis homepage. Even in a word document it's difficult. So naturally, I Googled it. Then I realised that's what everyone else would do, so when I nicked something from a forum discussion page, I'd probably end up using exactly the same message as someone else. So I decided to put some thought into it. At first, I came up with this:

May your marriage be like War and Peace: long and interesting.

But the groom isn't a literary type (I'm not sure about the bride), so it could be misconstrued as an incorrectly capitalised desire for their marriage to be like a battleground. Then, I remembered that they like going to the cinema, so I thought of this:

May your marriage be like a monthly direct debit pass to UGC cinemas: practical, fun and financially sensible.

Hmmm. Not very poetic. They'll be expecting more from a "creative" like me. A different approach is called for. As I'm getting them a lamp, how about a film quote?

I love lamp. I love lamp. And I hope you do too. Best wishes for the future.

That just sounds mental. If we're going to do crazy, perhaps:

Best wishes for the future. I love you both. I really do. So much so, in fact, that your marriage will tear me apart inside until my mind slips from the flimsy tarpaulin that holds it aloft into the molten reservoir of madness beneath. DON'T DO IT, I BEG YOU.

Wow, that's really scary. But that's not what we're trying to do here. Perhaps try sticking to what you're best at: puns. Maybe a well-placed pun will make my message stand out from the crowd.

Have a great day. Don’t get tangled up in wed tape!

Ouch. That's awful. I give up, I'm just going to put "to a happy future" or something crap like that.


* (asterisk) said...

I like the wed-tape one, but then I a sucker for puns. It's always so difficult, though, isn't it?

* (asterisk) said...

Thought you might appreciate this. Start saving those pennies now...