Award in your ear

It's glitzier than the Oscars, more pointless than the Brits and bitchier than the, um, TV Quick Awards. Yes, it's my Orange's Alternative Celebrity Awards 2008! See who won...

Feeling Iley

Luvvie interviewer Chrissy Iley may churn out the most cringeworthy big name pieces you're likely to read ("When he's in a relationship does he like to observe but not really know himself, I ask?"), but you have to admit, no one can read a hug like she can...

"We hug goodbye and it's a warm and proper hug where I tell him he's lovely and he squeezes me tighter."
Interviewing Johnny Depp, Grauniad, 3 July 2006

"Sting arrives and by now it’s late afternoon. The room becomes a darker golden but the sunlight makes Sting’s hair impressively lemony. He hugs me hello; his cashmere zip-up is soft but his body is hard."
Interviewing Sting, Times, 4 March 2007

"There's a profound air of loneliness about Victoria that makes you want to first go up and give her a hug..."
Interviewing Victoria Beckham, Glamour

"When he hugged me goodbye I felt his bones. He felt frail, but at the same time intense. But still with a look of mischief in his eye..."
Interviewing Sam Rockwell, Grauniad, 11 November 2007

"I'm not sure if goodbye is going to be a smile or a handshake but it turns out to be a hug, a firm, all-embracing one. I feel a tingling going up and down my entire body."
Interviewing Harrison Ford, Observer, 27 April 2008

Easter Monday

The perfect dinner party

Two hours ago I was in a room with Stephen Hawking, Terry Pratchett and Julian Rhind-Tutt. How odd.

Meeting Perez Hilton

Interviewed US celebrity blogger Perez Hilton the other day. Here's what happened.

Don't say boo to The Goose

Sorry about the paucity of blogging recently. If this blog was an urban development it would be Calcutta, which is a very paucity, apparently. If it was an airport, it'd be LAX. If it was a pair of trousers, it would be slacks. If it was a dress code it would be casual.

In the meantime, I will rack my brain, put on my thinking cap and do other exciting things which involve my head. In the meantime meantime, here's some writing which the daily grind wrung out of me today like an angry Russian washerwoman.

Britney denies pregnancy
What with her busy life of driving around a lot and covering her head with blankets, surely the last thing Britney Spears needs is another baby.

No Spice Girls ticket for Becks
Victoria Beckham has forbidden her husband David from attending the Spice Girls’ first reunion gig on Sunday, because she’s too nervous about the shows.

Christina Aguilera gets her bump out
Wow, Christina Aguilera’s looking a bit fat these days. She must’ve been knocking back pints of London Pride like no one’s business. What’s that? Pregnant?

Chantelle has changed
Yes, that is the same person.

Celebrity golden gobs
"We're in every night. Having sex." Pamela Anderson explains how her marriage to Rick Salomon works.

Bradical

The high coolness levels of The Best-Looking Man In The World, aka Brad Pitt, would be annoying if he didn’t harbour such high levels of coolness. Here’s the highly cool bastard on the red carpet at the premiere of The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford, being highly cool:

Perky MTV producer: “What did you learn from doing this movie?”
Brad Pitt: “I didn't learn shit, really.”

(from Daily Intelligencer, via The Superficial)

Sightings

Spotted last night: a bearded Adam Buxton doing very fast laps of Kennington Park. That guy, he cracks me up, with his crazy running.

Owen up

Tom Hanks is taking Owen Wilson's recent hospitalisation particularly badly...

Celeb slap slop

My Paddy Ashdown encounter has been blown out of the water twice in recent days by two friends, who shall remain nameless, but who've come out with:

"Did I tell you I met Matt Groening the other day? We had a lovely chat..."

and, via text message:

"See what happens when i leave the pub and go work at the lumi? I meet grace fucking jones, that's what!"

DAMN YOU BOTH.