Saturday, September 30, 2006

Welcome to the neighbourhood

Bit of a Saturday morning surprise for me. I walk out the front door, iPod-clad, listening to Arthur Grimiaux's sublime rendition of Mozart's Violin Concerto in G major. I open the door and the stink hits me. Someone's shat on our doorstep. There's a messy thick slab of shit smeared on the tiles outside the front door, covered in flies, which spring up as I come out.

I skip over it and make my way to the Post Office, checking other people's doorways on the way to see if they got hit too. They're all offensively clean. Maybe we were the victims of a racist attack from BNP members? But then, I'm white, and so is everyone else in the other flats. Perhaps someone from Flat 1 or 3 is responsible, laying it down as some kind of totemistic warning to burglars? (I'm thinking back to the bottle of piss incident). But then I get back home and see the discarded pair of tracksuit bottoms lying forlornly next to our bins.

***

I don't understand why people dislike Chris Martin, the Coldplay singer. I see why some might hate the music (though I don't), but as a human being, Martin always comes across as witty, friendly and – most strikingly – still both surprised and grateful to find himself in the position he's reached.

Martin, who's appearing in next week's episode of Extras, is responsible for one of my favourite quips of recent times. On Ricky Gervais's Video Podcast 4 (free from iTunes), the comedian is asking him serious of spurious questions ("Now, you like to buy clothes made in third world sweatshops because they're cheaper. Do you prefer Chinese or Indian-made stuff?"). Martin's answers are all fantastically deadpan, but this is the best:

Gervais: Now, at the Conservative Party conference a few years ago, you made a rousing speech, saying that if Labour banned foxhunting, you'd leave the country. You did leave, but now you're back. Isn't that hypocritical?
Martin: I just came back to get some stuff. To get my hunting gear. I came back to get two guns and a knife.

***

Anyway, I'm off to clear up the shit now.

3 comments:

* (asterisk) said...

Eww, that's a bit rank, someone leaving a steaming turd on your doorstep. Not nice.

And I'm with you on the Chris Martin front (see here). I'm looking forward to seeing him in Extras.

Fuff said...

Ewwwwwwwwwwww. That's awful. I'd have been ill. Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwww.

Miss T said...

Holy crap - I was just tidying up some crap on my blog and found a comment from you re: Hugh Hefner and his cute factor.

So first: an apology for not reading it sooner and thanks for stopping by!

And second: Hell yes! Hef has definitely improved with age. I don't know how conventional my predilictions are, so I can't talk for all chicks, but yeah. He's a cutie.

Good luck with tidying up your crap...